A Tale of Dragon Courtship
by Boisterous Hal
Summary: What happened to Kilgharrah just after 2x13?  He found love, that's what happened.  He wants Merlin to conduct the wedding ceremony.  A strange sequence of events follow.  One shot, crack.


**A Tale of Dragon Courtship**

**Summary: What happened to Kilgharrah ****just after 2x13? He found love, that's what happened. He wants Merlin to conduct the wedding ceremony. A strange sequence of events follow. One shot, crack.**

**Characters/pairings: Kilgharrah/Shazialuca (OC), cute Dragon babies, implied Merlin/Arthur, Arthur/Gwen, Gaius, Uther and his army, Morgana and her army, random peasants and the citizens and attempted invaders of Camelot. Shazialuca is my own creation, and she wants to eat your dinner.**

**Author's note: The idea for this story jumped out of the darkness when I was awake in bed. This has happened a number of times. Hmm. This story is crack with some serious parts.**

**At the time of writing, I had not seen any of Season 3. To be honest, I expect that it would not have any similarities to this story whatsoever.**

**Warnings: Minor spoilers for 2x13, crack, Dragon loving and a wee bit of slash.**

**Disclaimer (takes a breath): This fan fic is based on "The Adventures of Merlin". Lyrics are taken from "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS (modified) and "Burn" by Tina Arena. The phrase "the Dragon's very loud whisper" is borrowed from "Merlin Season One: The Amusing Reviews" by queenoftheoutlands, and other ideas were borrowed from this fan fic. Shazialuca's name was inspired by Shazia, one of the contestants on "Alan Sugar: The Apprentice", Series 4 (of all shows!). I do not own any of the above TV shows, songs or stories.**

_The destiny of the last Dragon was to discover that he in fact was not the last. So began a new era for __Dragon kin._

_Annals of the Dragon Lord__s_

Kilgharrah flew for many miles, hardly concentrating on where he was going. He was not particularly happy at being pwned by the young warlock. A small part of him wouldn't have had it any other way. To be honest, he had grown fond of the boy. That one would do very well for himself, that was for sure.

Kilgharrah spotted an empty clearing in the forest below him, even though it was pitch black. Infravision was one of the abilities innate to a Dragon. He descended quietly to the centre of the clearing. Folding his wings carefully, he settled down to sleep, and dreamt that he was sleeping on a pile of gold coins and jewels.

When he opened an eye, he found that it was morning and that fog had rolled in. He got up and yawned. He felt rather hungry.

The next thing he felt was alarm, because he perceived a dark shape above him, penetrating through the fog. It was getting closer. It formed into a scaly creature as it landed close to him. The creature hissed at him, thinking that he was threat, but it soon stopped and stared at him. Kilgharrah imagined he was staring back with wide eyes, in the same way, for he was looking at another Dragon. She (for she was a female Dragon) was a brilliant azure colour, slightly smaller than him, and beautiful to look upon. "This must be an illusion. I'm the only Dragon left," he thought. He blinked, and she was still there.

Memories then hit him like a tonne of bricks. Spotting a distinctive red mark on the other Dragon's side made him remember a friend he thought he had lost long ago.

"Shazialuca," he breathed. "Is it really you?"

"It is me, Kilgharrah."

"I thought I lost you that night," Kilgharrah said, shuddering as he remembered that terrible night.

Now, esteemed readers, some background-in-a-nutshell would be appropriate right about...now.

_1,697 years ago..._

_Kilgharrah watched in horror as his home burned. Even now, the Red Dragons circled overhead, relentlessly laying waste to everything in their path. As if in slow motion, he spotted the body of Shazialuca on the ground, a mortal wound scarring the side of her beautiful body. She stared weakly at him, before closing her eyes. He retreated high into the air, ashamed at abandoning her, and let the smoky haze envelope him in its rough embrace._

Ooh, someone in Kilgharrah's tribe did something to suffer the Dragon's ire. My advice to you is to not get a Red Dragon angry if you should happen to meet one. Moving right along...

"I was not meant to survive, but through the grace of Avon'd'Rosa, I was healed," Shazialuca said. Avon'd'Rosa was their tribe's cleric, a wise and gentle elder who was said to be descended from the Dragon gods themselves.

Shazialuca did not get to say any more, because Kilgharrah almost squeezed the life of her as he gave her a bear hug (or should that be Dragon hug?). :-)

When she managed to release herself, she coughed and laughed musically, just the way that Kilgharrah remembered her laugh to be. "Come," she said. "I will show you my home. Then there will be feasting, and plenty to catch up on." They both lifted up into the sky, and playfully chased each other, making patterns in the sky.

Half an hour later, Kilgharrah spotted what could only be described as a monumental stone structure below him. It was monumental even by Dragon standards. Both Dragons landed next to it.

"This is where you live?" Kilgharrah asked, incredulously.

"Um, yes," Shazialuca said, and might have blushed if she could. "A little bit excessive for one Dragon, but I am part of a royal lineage. We don't do things by halves."

"I know. Did you really build this by yourself?"

"I didn't want to say, but yes. I had lots of time on my claws, and it ended up being a piece of cake. I just made myself hungry. Come on!"

Shazialuca gave him a grand tour of her castle (for that is what it was best described as), and they stopped in the kitchen for a feast. By the end of the tour, Kilgharrah was literally out of breath. "Impressive," he said. "Much like its owner." Shazialuca smiled. "Oh, you are too kind."

They went outside and sunned themselves on the lawn. At length, they spoke of their experiences after that fateful night. Shazialuca explained how she hid herself away from the world's cruelties during The Purge, and built this castle as a celebration of the greatness of Dragonkin. Kilgharrah recounted his captured by King Uther and the cruel fate he suffered, chained up shamefully in eternal imprisonment. "Oh, you poor thing," Shazialuca said, her voice full of sorrow. "Barely a week ago, I was set free, and took my revenge against Camelot," Kilgharrah said. "Yet the same boy who released me is the last Dragon Lord. He banished me from the kingdom, under pain of death."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"How long have we known each other, Kilgharrah?"

"1,801 years," Kilgharrah immediately replied, for Dragons had excellent recall.

"My, we are getting on a bit, aren't we?"

They looked at each other, before rolling about on their backs, emitting booming belly laughs that echoed throughout the land. The peasants who heard it looked up from what they were doing, and straight away discounted the noise as a volcano with an unpronounceable name in Iceland erupting. They shrugged and went on with their lives.

Over the next year, Kilgharrah and Shazialuca lived peacefully together. He brought her many gifts of gold, jewels and food, stolen from evil men who did not deserve them. But always, Shazialuca was the jewel that shone the brightest in Kilgharrah's eyes. She was very impressed by his gifts and compliments. They never would have thought that they would have found each other again, after thinking that they were the last of their kind to survive. Day by day, their love for each other grew as surely as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West.

A year to the day after their reuniting, they lay on the lawn, just as they did on the first day. Kilgharrah knew that Dragons often asked The Question after a hundred years of courtship, but knowing that there may not be any other Dragons left added a sense of urgency. "I feel that we have reached a very serious stage in our relationship, the one in which a Dragon might asked a Lady if she might seal the bond in marriage. No pressure," he added, casually. See, that wasn't so difficult.

Shazialuca turned to him. "Oh, Kilgharrah, I have waited for this day. Yes, I will marry you. I love you so!"

Her eyes were so full of lust, she looked like she wanted to eat him! His heart raced at the sight of her.

They had their first kisses there and then. Dragon Kissing is not like Human Kissing. It involves several touches of cheek to cheek, after which the two Dragons breathe fire on each other's faces. Yes, you read that right. Dragons are immune from harm to each other's fire, and nobody knows why they do this. Dragon Kisses, a popular fiery concoction served in taverns at the time, was named after this behaviour.

After three rounds of Dragon Kissing, Shazialuca said, "There is a small problem."

"I know," Kilgharrah sighed, for they both knew that Dragon marriages could only be validated by a Dragon Chief or a Dragon Lord. "We have no Dragon Chief, so I must bring the last Dragon Lord here. But how will he come if I cannot use force?"

Shazialuca leaned over and whispered in his ear. Kilgharrah grinned and chuckled. "Oh, you are a clever one!"

"As wise as the wise Kilgharrah, that's what I am. Before you leave, perhaps we might engage in more Kissing for good luck?"

Kilgharrah obliged her. The grass underfoot cowered, for it found the fiery passion going on above it rather disagreeable.

A few kingdoms away, Merlin lay awake in his bed, thinking about Arthur. It wasn't the usual thoughts about how nice and soft the Prince's hair was. Instead, it was bad feelings coming to the surface. Arthur had been quite mean to him lately, even more than usual. The nerve of the man, considering that any fool could see that the Prince was madly in love with him! Merlin mentally headbutted the prat and immediately felt better.

"Merlin...Merlin...Merlin..." Suddenly, the Dragon's very loud whisper invaded his head. He tried to block it out by covering his face with his pillow, without success. He got out of bed and headed down to the cavern beneath Castle Camelot, silently cursing and mentally headbutting the Dragon on the way there.

Sure enough, he found the Dragon in the cavern, just like old times.

"Just like old times, young warlock," Kilgharrah said, as if reading Merlin's mind. Merlin pointed his torch at the Dragon.

"I ordered you out of this kingdom. You killed knights of Camelot, and you dishonour their memory by returning."

"Do not cite the knights as a reason for your displeasure, for they died honourably and have gone to a better place. I come in peace, not for vengeance."

"What do you want from me?" Merlin asked, feeling a little more diplomatic, as the Dragon seemed to just want to talk.

"I have come to ask a favour, for I have found the greatest gift of all - love".

Merlin blinked, and laughed. "You're crazy. You're the last Dragon." He turned to leave.

"Not so," Kilgharrah said, and Merlin turned back. "There is another of my kind, a female of my old tribe whom I thought I had lost long ago. We are to marry."

"Congratulations, but what does that have to do with me?"

"To seal the bond of marriage, the ceremony must be conducted by a Dragon Chief or a Dragon Lord. We don't have the former, so that leaves..."

"Me." The Dragon nodded.

"What if I say no?"

"You won't because my companion, the Lady Shazialuca has a gift to give you in return. Also, young Dragon Lord, you may look inside my heart and know that I only wish this so that my race can have a future. Would you not want the same, were you in my position?" There was a pause.

"Okay." Merlin closed his eyes and called upon his Dragon Lord powers, allowing him to see the sadness in Kilgharrah's heart, at experiencing his race dying one by one. Merlin saw that the Dragon spoke the truth. "You speak the truth, but before I do anything, you must promise me that from now on you will never harm a human for as long as you shall live."

The Dragon bowed his head. "I promise not to strike a blow against a human for as long as I shall live, except to defend myself and my family."

"That will do. I must first go back and tell Arthur and Gaius where I've gone."

"No time for that, Merlin," the Dragon responded solemnly. "Cast a spell of Simple Messenging instead."

Merlin, not feeling in the mood to argue, did this. Scrolls containing messages materialised out of thin air and landed on Gaius and Arthur's pillows. The messages had to be short, since the spell set a limit of 140 characters.

"Gone to conduct teh dragon marriage ceremony. B back soon. Camelot rulz 4ever. kkthxbye."

Soon after, Merlin was riding the Dragon into the night sky. Merlin felt like he was hardly moving, due to him being a Dragon Lord, but he was in fact traveling faster than a jet fighter. On the way, Kilgharrah explained what had happened since he left Camelot, and Merlin explained that Morgana had vanished for a year.

Using an infravision spell, Merlin saw the wondrous castle before they landed beside it. He was left speechless. Shazialuca greeted him at the front door. Merlin wondered if he should bow, as she was a Dragon descended from royal blood, as Kilgharrah had revealed to him. "My Lady," Merlin said, bowing. "You are a Dragon." He mentally headbutted himself for his insolence. He looked around desperately for a rock to hide behind, but the only rock he could see was the castle. Bugger.

Shazialuca laughed. "I have heard much about you, Dragon Lord," she said in her musical voice. "Come along, please."

Kilgharrah leaned over and whispered, "Quite a catch, don't you agree?"

"Er, yes."

Shazialuca led them to the Hall of Ceremonies, a grand, cavernous room lit by many candles. She explained to them briefly how proceedings would go. "The words to say will come naturally to you, Dragon Lord," she said. "But now, we must rest our weary heads." She led Merlin to a room with a human sized bed. He looked at her curiously. "Good night," she said, and smiled. She left. Merlin soon slept peacefully.

The next morning, he entered the Hall to find the Dragons waiting for him. A small breakfast was already prepared. The Dragons talked quietly while he ate. Merlin wondered what they were talking about. Oh well, it was none of his business. He rose and proclaimed that the ceremony was about to commence. The Dragons nodded and took their places in front of two stone pedestals at one end of the Hall. The pedestals came up to Merlin's shoulders and on each of them rested a chain of daffodils and lavenders, made by Shazialuca. Merlin moved and spoke naturally, as his Dragon Lord powers gave him innate knowledge on how to conduct the ceremony. The Dragons bowed to accept the flowers that Merlin placed upon their heads.

To detail all of the ceremonial matters that were covered may bore outsiders. In a nutshell, the Dragons recalled their earliest memories of each other and their relief at finding one another again. Merlin found himself hanging on to every word.

Now that the proceedings were drawing to a close, the Dragons took turns to sing songs to each other. Kilgharrah sang, "We could live / For ten thousand years / But if I hurt you / I'd make wine from your tears.

I told you / That we could fly / 'Cause we all have wings / But some of us don't know why.

I / I was standing / You were there / Two worlds collided / And they could never tear us apart."

Then Shazialuca sang, "Do you wanna be a poet and write / Do you wanna be an actor up in lights / Do you wanna be a soldier and fight for love / Do you wanna travel the world / Do you wanna be a diver for pearls / Or climb a mountain and touch the clouds above.

Be anyone you want to be / Bring to life your fantasies / But I want something in return.

I want you to burn / Burn for me, baby / Like a candle in my night / Oh burn / Burn for me / Burn for me."

Kilgharrah and Shazialuca looked deep into each other's eyes, and engaged in two rounds of Dragon Kissing, which you'll recall involves breathing fire. Poor Merlin avoided being roasted alive, by taking cover behind one of the Dragon sized chairs in the Hall.

Once the passion was over, Merlin emerged, arms folded. He cried, "A little warning would have been appreciated, guys. You almost ruined my hair!"

The Dragons turned to him, clearly contrite. They had completely forgotten he was there, and would have blushed if they could. "I am so sorry, dear," Shazialuca said. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Merlin waved his hand dismissively. "No harm done," he said and smiled.

In the ancient Dragon tongue, he said, "Now you have pledged your everlasting love to each other. To conclude this rite of holy matrimony, I now invoke the powers vested in me to cast the Dragons' Bond." Summoning a blue ball of light between his hands, Merlin commanded it to ascend above the Dragons' heads. The light split into many small lights and showered Kilgharrah and Shazialuca, disappearing as they touched the floor. A golden flower made of shimmering light appeared above the Dragons' heads. It opened its petals and disappeared slowly.

"It is done," Merlin said simply. The Dragons bowed and exited the Hall. Merlin followed them outside into the midday sun. A feast awaited them on the lawn and they ate, drank, and were merry. They talked about the world in general for an hour or so.

"I thank you, Dragon Lord, for your service," Shazialuca said. "As a parting gift, I give you vital knowledge. Be wary, for the witch Morgana and her army moves to attack Camelot as we speak." She gave Merlin a detailed map. "This map shows how and where Morgana will attack. I trust that it will be used wisely."

Merlin looked at Shazialuca curiously, not for the first time. "Dragons know much about the workings of the world," she said, as if in answer to his silent question. "Camelot owes you a great debt, my Lady," Merlin said, and bowed. "I will speak highly of the fair Shazialuca when the time is right." She bowed in return.

"I also wish no harm to come to Camelot," Kilgharrah said. "For love has changed me for the better. I feel at peace, for love changes everything. My gift to you, young warlock, is the gift to know the truth about a person, as contained within their heart. Perhaps to be used on a special someone, hmm?"

Merlin did well to hide a blush. Did Kilgharrah actually know about him and...? Best not to dwell on it.

Merlin closed his eyes, and Kilgharrah breathed a cool, refreshing air over him.

The young man opened his eyes. He didn't feel any different. The Dragons smiled slightly. Merlin felt a strange sense of being honoured. He almost burst into tears. Instead, he bowed and said, "thank you".

After Merlin bid farewell to Shazialuca, Kilgharrah flew him back to Camelot. Back in the cavern, Kilgharrah proclaimed, "Your destiny remains to protect Arthur, young warlock. Two sides of the same coin." Deep in the recesses of his mind, Merlin thought he could hear coffee mugs being clinked together. He quickly ignored this and focused. "The prophecies tell of a great alliance between Dragons and Humans," Kilgharrah continued. "In time, when Arthur rises to the throne, my family and I will return to Camelot." Merlin said, "I am proud to call you and Shazialuca friends. I hope that people shall see the goodness of Dragons, I really do."

"As do I. Farewell, until next time." Kilgharrah took flight, and sound of his beating wings faded. Merlin returned to Gaius, and showed his surrogate father the map. Gaius furrowed his brow with concern, and sent Merlin to see Arthur right away.

Merlin found the Prince in his chambers. "Merlin, I read your note, you idiot. What did you mean, you were conducting a Dragon marriage ceremony?" Arthur snorted. "What have you come to bother me about, now?"

"In answer to your first question, I meant exactly what the note said. In answer to the second question, if I'm such an idiot, I suppose you won't need to look at this rather useful map."

He presented Arthur with the map. The Prince was very curious, and very concerned about its contents. He questioned Merlin about it at length, but Merlin would not reveal its source. Not yet, anyway.

The grateful Prince left to warn the King of the threat to the kingdom. Merlin returned to Gaius feeling happy, mainly because Kilgharrah's gift confirmed to him beyond reasonable doubt that Arthur really did love him. He felt a tinge of sadness, as he realised that the Prince had treated him poorly to cover up the hurt that Arthur felt at not being able to express his true feelings. For surely much ridicule would be directed at a Prince who had such a relationship with his manservant, should it become public knowledge.

Meanwhile, Kilgharrah, known to a select few as Sparky the Great Slash Dragon, chuckled as his plans fell into place. He proceeded to make babies with Shazialuca on the lawn outside the Dragons' castle. The sounds of their lovemaking were heard for miles across the land. The peasants blinked, and thought it remarkable that the Icelandic volcanoes were so active at this time of year. Of course, had they known the truth as to the source of the noises, they would have barricaded themselves inside their homes.

When King Uther was presented with the map by his son, he was convinced of the imminent threat. He mobilised Camelot's army, which defeated Morgana's army using feather dusters and cherry tomatoes. There was much celebration throughout the kingdom at Uther's glorious victory.

The celebratory mood was short lived, however, as the King passed away from illness a few months later. A week of mourning marked the end of an era. The newly crowned King Arthur was loved dearly by his subjects. He publicly announced major reforms, which included lifting his father's ban on magic, on the condition that it was not used for evil purposes, and the lowering of taxes for all. The people rejoiced that freedom and prosperity had returned to Camelot.

Arthur made an honest man of himself, and married Guinevere. His love for Gwen grew as time went on, and so he considered Merlin to be "just a friend". This was a good thing, because he became so nice towards Merlin that Merlin sometimes jokingly asked that the King stop being so nice. By the way, Merlin was appointed to the position of Arthur's wise advisor. Eventually, the young warlock found love of his own and had a son and a daughter, thus continuing the Dragon Lord lineage. But that is a story for another day.

Merlin recounted in full what the hastily written note meant exactly, and finally revealed that it was Shazialuca who provided the map that aided in Camelot's victory, much to the King's astonishment. Merlin encouraged Arthur to make peace with the Dragons, which Arthur was reluctant to do, as he was mad about Kilgharrah's attack on Camelot, and was unsure about the Dragons' motives. He caved in to Merlin's convincing argument that Dragons are powerful allies and feared enemies.

Summoning his Dragon Lord powers, he urged the Dragons to meet him, and the King and Queen in the forest on the outskirts of Camelot. They did this. Arthur and Gwen were charmed by the Dragon's fine manners, and found them to be sincere in wanting a better life. After many hours and many cups of tea, the first ever treaty between Dragons and Humans was signed. Merlin smiled, in fact, everyone did. The people of Camelot were disgruntled to learn that Dragons were living on their doorstep, but dare not go against their King and two Dragons. They later changed their attitude when the Dragons protected Camelot from invaders, for Kilgharrah and Shazialuca had taken up permanent residence in the forest. It was a definite downsizing in the Dragons' home, but it was sacrifice made to achieve a greater good. Camelot protected the Dragons, and so a mutual friendship was formed.

Shazialuca laid four eggs, and when they hatched, the offspring were named Arthur, Merlin, Guinevere and Gaius. Kilgharrah and Shazialuca invited the King and Queen, Merlin and Gaius to a grand party, and they all danced into the night to the sound of "All Night Long" by Lionel Richie. Yes, even Gaius managed to bust a few moves. After that, they all lived happily ever after.

_...and so the wise Dragon Lord named Merlin (hey, that's me! Yay, go me! - Merlin was here) helped to secure an everlasting peace between Dragonkin and Humankind. The glory of Camelot, in the realm of Logres, endured for many generations._

_Annals of the Dragon Lords_

**The End**

**My aim, through humour, was to portray Dragons in a positive light, and to be much nicer to Gwen than in my previous stories. If you support the pairing of Kilgharrah/Shazialuca, please let me know, as I may include them in future fan fics.**

**I hope you enjoyed the story. Please rate and review. :-)**


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